


Take The Long Way Home

by 230W49thSt



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Arnold's a sweetheart, But It Takes Time okay Give Them Some Time, Crisis of Faith, F/M, Getting Together, I love them so muuhuhuuuuch, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mentions of past abusive relationship (please see notes at the beginning), Pre-Relationship, but also lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 10:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7887157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/230W49thSt/pseuds/230W49thSt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two months after Uganda, Kevin finds himself sleepless at night, so he thinks about everything that has happened to him during the last months. Because hey, that's what you do when you suffer from severe sleeping problems: you think about basically everything. And you listen to cute voicemails from the guy you've kinda fallen in love with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the like the second fanfic I've ever written and the first one in the BoM fandom, also English isn't my first language, it's not beta'd and I've got low self-esteem when it comes to writing or life choices. Gosh, now I feel better.
> 
> ++ ++ ++ ++  
> Advanced reader's advice concerning the past abusive relationship  
> It will get talked about in chapter 1 and 2; both emotional and physical; situations can trigger the past; mental breakdowns in chapter 1 and 2. Please read with care, you're precious.  
> ++ ++ ++ ++

### Chapter One

#### Salt Lake City. PRESENT TIME.

It had been six weeks since their return from Uganda and Kevin Price still refused to keep his window open at night. He didn’t fear snakes, mosquitos or bad people with even worse intentions like he had done sleeping the small shack back in Africa, no, not at all. He feared that whatever was still left in him believing in something bigger might leap through the open window at night during his darkest hours.  
A glance at the illuminated Star Wars clock, a gift from his best friend and room mate Arnold Cunningham, told him it was after midnight. The missionary rules still in his mind, it made him feel uneasy to be awake more than two hours after bedtime. Of course, most of the rules (if not all) had become completely obsolete after Arnold had turned the whole District Nine upside down by becoming a new prophet with a little Peter Jackson flair. Nevertheless there were a few rules of their missionary time Kevin still held dear. Even more, they gave him something to hold on - some structure when he needed it the most. A friend of him had laughed about his behaviour to pick'n'mix missionary rules and Kevin had realized how strange it had to be for the people close to him, but he knew he didn't do any harm by keeping a regular sleeping schedule and by fasting the first Sunday in the month. Recently he had also started praying again but he had kept it to himself so far.  
After their return back to the US he had quickly moved in with Arnold. Bless Arnold. Somehow he had managed to find a suitable and affordable flat in less than a week, had done most of the organization, heck, he had even dealt with Kevin's parents (the worst) in his new overconfident but still slightly innocent and naive way. Yes, Arnold Cunningham, the probably most underestimated person Kevin Price had ever met.  
But what about Kevin himself? His thoughts touched briefly the day of their return to Salt Lake City. The confrontation with his family. The disappointment in their eyes. His things carelessly stuffed in boxes.  
“No!” he said out loud, terrified by his upcoming feelings. “No, no, no,” he continued quietly and turned restlessly around. His stomach tingled and he felt a mess of guilt, remorse, despair and fear creeping up his throat. Breathe in, breathe out. Just keep breathing. He knew it would take some time to come to terms with this situation.  
He could hear the muffled sound of the TV in the living room. Arnold was probably still awake to work on his new story. And Kevin did what he had specialised in during the last weeks: overthinking his life choices and faith at night and reliving what had happened during the last months.

During the first two weeks in their new apartment, they had shared a room at night.  
“I don't think we still need to honor rule 72,” Kevin Price had pointed out in his usual know-it-all-manner.  
“I know, but I'm worried about you and I can sleep better if I know that you're not alone.” Arnold's casual but brutal honesty had hit him like a train on a collision course. So for those first two weeks they had gone to bed at 10.30 pm, Arnold had told him a new short story and Kevin had been able to sleep without any really bad nightmares. He still had to endure hell dreams on a nightly basis, almost exclusively about his family, but it had been easier to shake them off in the morning with Arnold sleeping in the bed next to him.

After the success of ‘The Book of Arnold’ in Uganda and his pretty terrific bed-time-stories, he'd been ushered by Kevin to write more stories.  
“You mean a sequel to the book of Arnold?” he had asked cautiously. “I’m not sure, buddy, writing a sequel is a delicate matter. Take Matrix Reloaded for example—“  
But Kevin had shook his head and stopped him.  
“No, I mean an original story. No sequel or anything about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Just, you know, an original Arnold story. Like the one with the time traveling pirates you told me.” Arnold's face had brightened up and he had poked his friend on his arm.  
“You liked it.” It had been a statement, not a question, and the confidence in his voice had made Kevin laugh. No teasing, but plain happiness for his friend. “I knew you had been awake until the end.”  
“Yes, of course, I actually liked it a lot. And I believe you can make a living out of it. One day.” He had grinned. “And you named the best pirate Kevin, that's a bonus.”

And that’s what Arnold was doing at this time of night and that's the reason they had decided to get separated rooms after all.  
Arnold Cunningham: enthusiastic intern at a publishing house for children books; helping hand at his father's car dealer business; short story writer at night; full-time friend of Kevin Price.  
Kevin Price: all-time emotional mess with a crisis of faith that ranged in a spectrum between Richard Dawkins and Thomas Monson; kicked-out and disowned by his family; selling cars at Mr. Cunningham's business if he was able to get out of bed in the morning; professional overthinker; maybe a tiny little bit in love with someone.  
The only reason he could afford the flat share with Arnold was the amount of money that was supposed to finance his two-year-mission. Since District Nine and its missionaries had got back home only after four months after Kevin and Arnold's chaotic arrival, there was enough money left for him to start his new life. Leaving Kevin a monthly amount of money as some sort of compensation was the only 'decent' thing his family had done for him since he got back.

A sound of laughter banged through the apartment. Kevin turned around in his bed to face the door. His friend was the only one who constantly provided him with a feeling of safety during this time. Just to know that he was physically in the next room calmed his nerves. Sometimes he wondered if Arnold even knew how much he meant to him. Or the other former missionaries. Kevin sighed, uneasy turning from one side to the other. Another feeling began his way creeping around his heart. A feeling that was still new and unfamiliar – a feeling of loss of his friends. All the former missionaries got split up soon after they had got back. According to Arnold, even more than one of them had got back to their old Mormon lives. He kept Kevin updated about everyone on a regular basis. Sure, it would be easy to stay in contact with everyone via Facebook or at least easier to follow their lives to some extent but Kevin didn't dare to log in. His family, former neighbors, friends, basically everyone of his old Mormon life had a very active online life. They were using the platform to organize every birthday or baptizm in various groups or chats. He just wasn't ready to even glance back at the life he had left. Not now, not in his current state. And most certainly not at the people who had hurt him. Maybe one day.  
Instead he made a mental note to ask Arnold again about the whereabouts of the others in the morning. They had a group chat called “Best District Ever” on their cell phones, but it wasn't used very often. There was only one former Elder he kept contact with on a regular basis and that was Connor McKinley.  
Connor. The most beautiful sound he had ever heard. He grabbed for his cell phone at the bed stand.  
“This is pathetic, I am pathetic,” he murmerd and forced himself to wait at least three seconds before he called the mailbox.

“You have three saved messages.  
Message one.” About 5 weeks ago.

“Hi Kevin, this is Connor,” a cheery voice said. “I was told you and Arnold finally moved in together and, well, I just wanted to congratulate you!” There was a short pause. “I hope you are alright. Arnold told me about your family. I'm sorry. It's hard to leave people behind that once were close to you. Even though they're not good for you.” The noise of the street in the background became louder and the sound of an ambulance could be heard in the distance. At this part of the message, Kevin always imagined Connor walking down Broadway with a cup of tea in his hand. “Sorry for the noise. Anyway, I wish that maybe one day you'll come to terms with everything. Gosh, I can talk with, uhm, my little breakdown back in Uganda. Well, or two. Who's counting? What I wanted to tell you is that I don't think it's easy what you're going through. We all have our baggage. I mean, I guess.” He laughed nervously. “Anyway. Sorry. I don't mean to interfere with your – uh, things. It's just...As you can see, I'm being awkward again. What the heck!” His voice suddenly became more serious and reminded Kevin more than ever of the former district leader. “Okay, listen, Arnold told me that you're not feeling well at the moment and he asked for some advice. I told him there were meetings you could go to, ex Mormon meetings. Poptarts is attending one and it's really helpful. He said you could call him anytime if you had any questions about it. Going to a meeting doesn't mean to leave the LDS right away, but it could help you to figure out what's best for-- Oh my gosh, I think I just walked past Lin-Manuel Miranda. I am freaking out, wait. Oh, gosh, it's him! I can't believe it! But he's already talking to some other people, too bad.” Connor paused and Kevin smiled into his hand that was holding the cell phone, knowing what would follow. “Sorry, Kevin, am I talking too loud, sometimes I get overexcited.” For a few seconds Connor laughed rather hysterically. “Sorry again, gosh, you're not into musicals, are you? That was a Hamilton quote. Anyway. I feel like I could talk for hours.” He laughed the cutest little laugh that definitely should get its own brandmark and Kevin's heart started to race. “I could test how much memory capacity your mailbox has. Just kidding. And no hard feelings that you didn't call with all that had happened. Your family, the moving and so on. But if you ever want to chat, give me a call. If you like. I'd like to-- I mean, it would be splendid to hear from you again. Bye Kevin.”

#### Kitgali, Uganda. THREE MONTHS AGO.

The weeks after the success of Arnold The Prophet had been a blessing for the village and the Elders. It had almost been a peaceful time but the older generation of the Kitgali people knew it wouldn‘t last forever. And sooner or later even the youngest one realized it - everything was about to change again. There'd always be a new warlord to take power over the weak. There was still poverty, illness and no good education for the children.  
Rumour had spread that this new warlord would be even worse and should get near the village in about two months.  
„We‘re not leaving, no way“ the Elders had protested but Mafala Hatimbi, who often functioned as an unofficial leader of the Kitgali village, had shook his head.  
„There is nothing you can do here anymore.“ The words had been harsh, the following discussion agitated - on both sides. There'd been shouting, anger, kind words and silence. In the end it had been Elder McKinley's decision as their district leader. After a long talk between him and Mafala, they had agreed that it would be best if the missionaries would leave as soon as possible, approximately in about six to seven weeks.  
„We are a lot more people than before. The people of the former General are with us,” Mafala explained to the other Elders to stop them from giving Elder McKinley disappointed glances after both of them had announced their decision. “We are better in defending ourselves now.“  
„But most important,“ his daughter Nabulungi added, „we have the power of the word and we know how to use it.“  
Everyone made a reassuring face, the former missonaries and the Ugandan people alike, but all Kevin Price saw was the lies on their faces. Sweet lies, uncertainty and maybe even fear. Nothing would be better now, Kevin was sure about that, no one would be safer. Yes, the Church brought a lot of people together, that‘s true, but he didn‘t see it as a valid sucess anymore. He couldn‘t. Pictures of his arrival in Kitgali flashed before his eyes. The cruelty of the General. The Ugandan that got shot right in the face. The brutality against the women. Everything was about to repeat itself. And now they were about to leave as well. Thanks to Elder McKinley and his final word. Even his thoughts tasted bitter. Hasa Diga Eebowai. Hasa Diga. Their religion didn‘t change a thing. Why even believe in anything anymore?

Knock, knock.  
„Come in.“  
A few hours after their departure had been a settled deal, Kevin decided to speak directly to Elder McKinley. To reason with him!  
Elder McKinley turned around from his desk, a pen still in his hand. It was already after 9 pm and the small but comfy hut was only illuminated by the light of the table lamp.  
„Ah, Elder Price, what a nice surprise.” He clapped his hands together in delight. “Ahh, look, an unexpected rhyme, just for you.” He stopped to giggle when he noticed that a clearly tense Elder Price seemed to have something important to talk about. The many envelopes carelessly thrown on his bed and half-written letters on his desk indicated a very busy district leader but he didn't let it show in his body language.  
“Let me just tidy things up a bit.” With his usual calmness he put down the pen, cleared the bed and welcomed Elder Price to take a seat. “Voilà. What can I do for you at this late hour?” Elder Price sat down and took a moment to gather his thoughts. If anybody would understand, it had to be Elder McKinley. Not only was he a good man but had also become a friend to Kevin during the last months. In many ways they were quite different. Not only different concerning a lot of hobbies or interests, but especially when it came to the way they saw the world. Kevin had to admit that it was almost a rush to explore the differences between them. And whenever they stumbled over unexpected similarities, it was a special moment.  
(“I don't mind being on a mission here, I was really looking forward to it, but...don't laugh, okay? I hate to miss the chance to see the new Disney movie with the fox and the rabbit.” Elder McKinley had laughed about Kevin's confession, but it had been alright since it was followed by a squeaked “You too? I thought I was the only one.”)  
With the grown relationship between them, Elder Price was sure his friend would appreciate his following words.  
“I wanted to talk to you about the future of District Nine and why it's a mistake to close it.” He had planned his speech thoroughly and pointed out every little detail that had crossed his mind that day. They could start fundraisings for the village. They could help the villagers to protect themselves against the new warlord. They could spread the word of peace even further, go by bus to other villages. They could contact newspapers, attract the attention of the media. They could--  
“Elder, let me stop you at this point, please.” Elder McKinley had listened patiently with his hands on his tights for several minutes before raising a hand. He was someone who always paid attention with an open mind to everything his counterpart had to say - character traits that confused most people at first because this sort of close attention in combination with open-mindness was apparently something very rare. So it was kind of natural that Kevin Price, who got to know his district leader during the last months quite good, was taken aback when Elder McKinley suddenly interrupted his speech.  
“But I'm not finished yet.”  
“Listen, I appreciate your suggestions,” he began and absent-mindedly ran his fingers through his hair, “but I won't allow any further action here in Kitgali. Especially not in the name of the Church. The decision is made and it's definite.”  
It was quiet for a moment until Kevin found his voice again.  
“But...did you even listen? There are possibilites!”  
“What do you think I am doing for days now?” It was the first time Kevin had heard Elder McKinley with something in his voice that could count as anger. He wasn't shouting but he stressed every word in a way that was obviously his way to shout. He pointed at the envelopes at the other end of the bed. “I am doing everything I can to turn things around before we leave.” His voice began to shake as if it took some effort to say the words. “I'm writing to organizations, to the police, to the military, to other missionary stations, even to the media. I try my very best to bring our mission to a decent end. Not only for the Church Of Latter-Day Saints, but also for us and the the people in Kitgali.”  
“Who cares about the Church anymore? It's only about the people. I thought you of all people would understand.” There was a pleading tone in Kevin's voice.  
“Of course I understand, Kevin,” the Elder responded crestfallen. Even though the atmosphere in the room was tense, Kevin didn't miss out that Elder McKinley just had used his first name for the first time. Something had clearly shifted. He wasn't talking to his district leader anymore, but to a friend. And Kevin thought that this wasn't fair of him.  
“Like I said, you're not the only one who cares. I was a Mormon, too, a good Mormon. Just because I don't preach the word of the Book Of Mormon anymore, or the Book Of Arnold, or any religion, for that matter, doesn't mean I don't care about the Church anymore. I use different words now.”  
Kevin rolled his eyes.  
“Words, words, words. What good will come from letters? To heck with words, we need to do something.”  
“You're not making any sense right now. As you can see, I am doing something. Do you really care or do you just don't know what else to do with your life?” Elder McKinley's words were quiet but the impact on Kevin was huge. “You changed, everyone knows it because we all changed, but a part of you is fighting this truth. Sooner or later the new Kevin Price needs to face his old life back in the US. I'm afraid staying here because you're too scared what will wait for you there is not a long-term solution.”  
“Well, that's my problem then, isn't it?” Kevin snorted angrily.  
“You know that I'm always there to help you. But please, Kevin,” his voice got even softer, “consider that I'm the one who still has the responsibilty over whatever is left from our LDS approved mission. I need to come to terms with the Church. There's paperwork to do. And if something happens to anyone of us, I'm the one to blame.”  
“Screw the Church and the mission, seriously, Elder. Paperwork? That's what you're worried about? We need to BE HERE, we need to STAY HERE, we need to TAKE ACTION!”  
At first Kevin didn't realize that he had got up from the bed and taken a few steps towards his district leader until he noticed that Elder McKinley had also got up from his chair, looking pretty scared.  
“I just want a decent end, that's all.” His words were barely a whisper. Tears were sparkling in his eyes that he tried to hide by looking at his feet.  
Suddenly Kevin became aware of the weariness on the face of his district leader. Why hadn't he noticed it before? His arms were raised in front of his body like he wanted to protect himself. Startled by his own behaviour, Kevin stepped back.  
“Gosh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--”  
“No, it's fine,” Elder McKinley reassured him in his typical manner, “I'm the one who should apologize. You're just trying to help. I'm sorry for what I said.” With folded hands like a praying man Kevin took a little step towards Elder McKinley.  
“I didn't scare you, did I?” he asked cautiously with his head slightly tilted.  
“No, of course not, I'm fine,” Elder McKinley answered way too quick, stroking one hand over his lower arm. “I'm just tired,” he added as an explanation. His face was completely emotionless. The silence in the room slowly started to draw attention to the awkwardness of the situation.  
“Uhm, alright. Can I help you with the letters?” Kevin asked after seconds that felt like hours. “I can bring the finished ones to the post office on my way home so they'll leave right in the morning.” Elder McKinley stared at him silently. Something was clearly wrong. And Kevin knew that it was his fault somehow. Damn himself, why did he have to drag his friend into his own crisis. “Wow, that was a lot of work, all those letters.” Maybe small-talk would help to ease the situation. “I mean, when we arrived here, we also only had our word, well, the word of Joseph Smith and Arnold, but my point is: you are right. Words helped to change some things. For the better. I forgot that. I'm sorry, Elder.” Carefully the district leader let his arms sink next to his body and relaxed a little bit.  
“And yes,” Kevin added, ”I want to thank you for all the work you have done here so far.” Elder McKinley nodded and raised a corner of his mouth to a weak smile. “You are the best district leader one could have wished for. It wouldn't have worked without you. You're the one who held everything together. And everyone of us. So, I think if you want a, hm, decent end, then you deserve it. I'm sorry. I just realized I never thanked you.” Kevin's words were so sincere because they left his head and mouth without overthinking and without any second thought. It was the first time he had ever thought about everything Elder McKinley had done for all of them. For a moment their eyes met like it was the first time they properly looked at each other. “Thank you, Elder McKinley.”  
“You are welcome.” His voice cracked and from the look in his blue eyes Kevin could tell that he was still in a state of defense. One part of him told him to leave the shaken man alone, the other part wanted to make everything right again. What had he done? He had got loud, yes, but nothing more. And he had apologized. It broke his heart to see him like this.  
“Elder McKinley?”  
“Hm?” he hummed. The look of his eyes once again drifted right through the younger Elder as if they were unable to focus.  
“I can't leave you like this,” Kevin stated matter-of-factly and tried not to panic. He also resisted the urge to step closer but leaving was definitely not an option.  
“I'm fine. I'm just tired.”  
Kevin Price raised his eyebrows. “You already said that.”  
“I did? Well, I am tired. I'm fine. Just tired.” His voice sounded more robotic with every word he uttered. There was a knock on the door and Elder Thomas – or Elder Poptarts, as he was called - entered smiling.  
“Oh, hi Elder Price,” he greeted him. He was used to find the Elder talking to his companion every now and then but it was different this time. The atmosphere in the room wasn't sparkly and shiny, no, quite the opposite. Immediatly he sensed that something was wrong.  
“What happened?” Since Poptarts knew his mission companion the best, he wasn't afraid of stepping towards him to lay an arm around his shoulder. “Connor? Connor, what happened? I'm here, okay, just sit down.” With a soft touch against his shoulder he pushed the Elder down on his chair and put a blanket from the bed around his back. Then he turned to Elder Price who was still standing next to the bed on the other side of the room.  
“What the fuck did you do?” he snapped at him with a hushed voice. Kevin's eyes widened at the harsh words.  
“I don't know,” he stammered, “we had an argument and I got loud – I didn't mean to - and then he kind of stopped talking properly and got strange.”  
“What else?”  
“What?”  
“What else did you do?”  
“No-nothing, I apologized of course. He, he keeps repeating he's fine and tired.”  
“Go,” Elder Poptarts demanded. “Just go.” Never before had Kevin seen his fellow missionary that furious.  
“But--”  
“You,” the Elder got dangerously close and pointed his finger right at Kevin's face, “you should leave. Right now. You brought up some really bad memories.”  
With a last helpless glance at Elder McKinley, Kevin left the shack in a hurry.

“Arnold!”  
Kevin bursted into their hut yelling for his companion. The panic he had managed to surpress on his way home from Elder McKinley's place had taken hold of him. He completely ignored the fact that Nabulungi nearly fell of the bed where she and Arnold were spending some sweet togetherness. Not even PG-13, stop your thoughts.  
“Arnold! I don't know what to do, I think I screwed up. Big time! Hi Naba.” He sat down on his bed just to get up again and started pacing around.  
“Hi Elder Price,” Naba said and freed herself from Arnold's embrace. They had already expected Kevin but this kind of dramatic entrance was very unusual. And we're speaking of Elder Big Entrance Price.  
“What's up, buddy? You look like you just killed a kitten.” Kevin winced. “You didn't, did you?” Arnold straighted himself and shot a glance at Nabulungi who didn't seem to know whether to stay or leave. An angsty touch on her hand and likewise look by her boyfriend was all she needed to stay.  
“A kitten,” Arnold whispered to her uneasily.  
“Elder Price, just tell us what happened,” Naba asked with her soothing voice.  
And Kevin told them both everything that had happened in the last minutes between him and Elder McKinley. From the moment on he had walked into the shack to talk about the decision to leave Uganda to the end where an angry Poptarts had kicked him out.  
“And now I don't know what I've done. I mean, yes, I know. Elder Poptarts basically cursed me for prompting some bad memories, whatever they might be but...” he sat down again and shrugged helplessly, “what now? What can I do? I never meant to do any harm. I was so agitated, gosh.”  
“You yelled at him? Buddy, I hate to quote the missionary handbook on you, but isn't there something about supporting and respecting those assigned by the mission president as district leaders?”  
“I knooooow,” he moaned and fell silent again. Arnold and Nabulungi had a quick and silent conversation involving facial expressions and hand gestures to decide who of them would say something first.  
“I think,” Kevin said suddenly very quietly and stared at his feet, “I think he thought I was about to hit him.”  
“Yes, I agree,” Arnold said and was rewarded with a disapproving look of Nabulungi.  
“You agree?” Kevin echoed in disbelief, his eyes moving between his companion and Naba. “But I'd never hit him. Or anybody. But at least him. Of all people. He's my friend. Why would he think that?”  
“Of course you would never hit Elder McKinley,” Nabulungi put in, “but from what you told us, your body language must have told him something different and must have reminded him of something very bad.”  
“Huh,” he cradled his head in his hands, “I yelled at him, I think. I'm not even sure anymore. He had also something rather mean to me. But anyway. We apologized but it didn't get better. No, it was worse than before. It was just a little fight, I guess. What I don't understand is...I've seen him having arguments with Elder Poptarts in the past. That time with the--”  
“--with the birthday present for Elder Church, yes, oh, he was hissing at him and Elder Neeley like a Ringwraith!”  
“Whatever, yes, he was very angry. Not loud, but angry. But now? Nothing. He told me I-- never mind, he said something to me and I got up and then he just...kind of...--”  
“--froze,” Nabulungi ended. “Fight, flight, freeze. They are natural defense mechanisms. And to freeze fits, I mean, considering his past and the fact that he likes you.”  
Kevin looked up. Naba bit her lip like she didn't mean to mention some past Kevin didn't know about, let alone the fact that Elder McKinley had some kind of feelings for his fellow missionary. With a perfect innocent face she turned towards Arnold, knowing exactly he would have to pay for her accidenatly uttered words.  
“It's late. I better leave. See you tomorrow, Arnold.”  
“Sleep well, Naba,” he said obliviously and they kissed briefly goodbye.  
“Good night, Elder Price. And don't worry so much. I'm sure everything will get sorted tomorrow.” She left with her happy waving that used to bring out the brightest smile on Arnold's face and caused him to fell over on his back as soon as his girlfriend had closed the door.  
“I don't want to leave, Kevin. I miss her so much and she only left seconds ago.”  
“Yeah,” Kevin replied emotionlessly, “that sucks. Hey, what did Nabulungi mean with the freezing and that it would fit his past?” And something about liking Kevin? Arnold, still lying on his back and covering his face with his hands, grunted.  
“Uh, the past? I think she meant his ex boyfriend.”  
“Steve Blade?”  
“Who? Ahh, Steve Blade. Nooo, not him, that was only hand holding and smooching, no, his proper boyfriend, or ex boyfriend, I don't know his name.” Kevin's patience was tried very hard by Arnold's habit of storytelling. “I think he never said his name, now that I think about it. Strange. Anyway, he was a mean bastard. His words! Not mine. Just quoting.”  
“When did he tell you all this?” Not that Kevin was jealous, but he was jelous. At least of the trust Arnold had earned by Elder McKinley. It was unmistakably a very private story.  
“Some weeks ago. I was about to meet Naba when he knocked at the door.” He rolled around to face Kevin who still sat like a statue on his bed. “He told me he didn't feel well. Poptarts was at the market, I think.”  
“Elder Poptarts,” Kevin corrected him. “But that doesn't make any sense, Arnold. Please, this is important to me. Where was I?”  
“You? Hm, we had switched our shifts with helping out Mafala, remember? That last-minute thing so that I could meet Naba. Huh. Funny. I guess Elder McKinley wanted to talk to you and not me. To be honest, I was wondering why he talked to me in the first place but then I thought maybe he needed a little spiritual guidance by a prophet.” Blood rushed through Kevin's ears. So he had indeed earned Elder McKinley's trust and Arnold had only been his substitue. Interesting indeed. He shook his head to get rid of the competitive feelings. It's about Elder McKinley, not about some competition between him and Arnold. Or who Elder McKinley liked better. How unnecessary of him! But still.  
“Whatever,” his friend continued, “he just needed to talk to someone. He had taken a nap that day and wasn't feeling well after he had woken up. He told me about a nightmare.” His voice got a bit quieter than usual. Arnold's way if he wasn't sure if he was allowed to tell something or not.  
“What was it about?” Kevin pushed cautiously. Right now, he still didn't understand the connection that Nabulungi seemed to have noticed. He needed to know, he needed to understand so that he could make it up to Elder McKinley. Kevin could still see him standing in front of him like, gosh, like he himself had been the nightmare.  
“About that mean bastard. He had dreamed he had still been in a relationship with this guy.”  
“So, it was that bad, huh?”  
“Hm, I'm not sure if I should tell you.”  
Kevin nodded slowly. He felt already bad to have pushed Arnold in the beginning. It would be better to ask Elder McKinley in person. As soon as he felt better, of course. He would need to speak to Elder Poptarts first and--  
“Okay, I'll tell you,” Arnold proceeded after a few seconds and well, who was Kevin to stop him now? “Elder McKinley wanted to break up with this guy but he was scared that if he did, he won't ever get the chance to have a family or boyfriend again. Like it's his only chance. And he didn't want to hurt him. It was before he got really invested in the LDS. Yeah, so he stayed with him although he didn't want to. Not really, at least. Maybe he still liked him a bit but not enough. I don't know. I didn't understand why he had stayed with him in the first place. It was very confusing if you ask me.”  
“Seems to be. But what about the freezing?”  
“Well, it's obvious.”  
Kevin stared at his friend.  
“Is it?”  
“With what Naba said, yes. He'd even told me about it. He didn't want to break up with him – or couldn't - so he didn't fight back. He froze. Every time, that were his words. Every time he didn't – how did he put it? - work properly, sooner or later he got yelled at. Or other things. I didn't ask.”  
“But what if...”  
“And then he froze, Kevin.”  
“But he must have...”  
“Every time, Kev. In every situation.”  
Now it was Kevin who lay down on his bed.  
“But that horrible guy must have sensed that their relationship wasn't working anymore. And he just kept yelling at him when Co-- Mc-- Elder McKinley wasn't working properly? What does that even mean? Working properly.” He huffed in disgust. “He's not a machine, he's the best--, one of the best persons I know. To see him like that a few minutes ago, honestly, it scared me more than any hell dream I ever had or heard of. He was so fragile. Gosh.”  
“Yeah, they separated in the end but it took some time. Some months before his mission, I believe.”  
His mind spinned around Elder McKinley's past. Now some pieces clicked together, like a puzzle of things he had known about him but hadn't been able to put into place until this moment. During a past conversation his friend had hinted that the LDS had helped him through a very rough time. He had never thought that it could have been a bad relationship. But now the idea of 'turning it off' got an additional meaning.  
“He told me, sometimes those memories would come back and trigger him. Like flashbacks, but worse. Dibs on the hot water.” Arnold got up to go to the bathroom, a little shack located next to their hut. The sudden change of subject was a sign that Arnold had probably regretted it and tried to calm his conscience. Nevertheless it was enough for Kevin to understand what had happened back then. At least to some part. Somehow Elder McKinley had seen Kevin as his evil ex boyfriend who kept yelling at him. And the Elder had seen himself as the boyfriend that froze in the moment of confrontation. Huh, what about that. It felt weird to think about this constellation, kind of bad, because unlike this ex boyfriend, he would never ever hurt Elder McKinley. In no way. Never. It actually made him furious to even think about a fictional Kevin Price that would be aggressive against Connor, no, Elder McKinley. He wanted to punsh this fictional Kevin Price in his damn face if he even thinks about hurting him.  
Huh. Okay. Stop it, Kevin. He got up and trailed Arnold to the bathroom. Just one last question.  
“Arnold,” he asked through the closed door, “why does he see me as his ex boyfriend and not, I don't know, Elder Poptarts for example? Do I look like him?” Arnold's head popped through a gap of the door.  
“I don't know. But he likes you, you know?” He paused. “You do know that, right?” 

'He likes me.' Arnold's and Naba's words danced through his head as he wordlessly got back to his bed. In this night he entered a new dimension of the spooky mormon hell dream sphere. He went to hell because he had hurt Elder McKinley. It was awful because he couldn't find a way to apologize and make it up to him. But then the dream changed and wasn't hell-dreamy at all. And it involved a kiss between him and Elder McKinley.  
It was the first thing he remembered after waking up. In his dream, they had kissed. Just a little innocent kiss. No music, no fireworks, no confetti. The casualness of the kiss in his dream was more disturbing than the kiss itself. The feeling that in this dream world it hadn't been the first kiss and most certainly wouldn't have been the last kiss between them rushed through his body. It was a warm feeling, a good feeling, a slightly tingly feeling mixed with a certain security but also excitement. He enjoyed this special feeling for a few minutes until his mind demanded some answers. Was he gay? Was he bi? Something else? Did he care at all? He had never really thought about it. Romance was one thing that had never got his attention until now. That's why it used to be easy to hold onto the Church's stand concerning partnerships. And of course because he had grown up in a picture-perfect Mormon family who put great stress on surrounding themselves only with friends that fit their way of living. A lot of things had changed now. He still valued parts of the things the Church Of Latter-Day Saints had taught him. But not exclusively. And being around the villagers and other Elders, especially Elder McKinley, taught him a lot more about diversity than every lecture, bishop or brochure of the LDS. And he breathed it in, every new aspect of life he had never been aware of or had simply been too ignorant to see. New possibilites opened up in front of him. But he wasn't kidding himself – it was way too easy at the moment. Sure, he was a bit confused now and then. His life had turned upside down, everything he had built his life on had become obsolete. He had expected some kind of big crisis but surprisingly it hadn't come.  
Yet.  
Then there were the things Elder McKinley had said to him the night before. It stuck in his head like the sting of a bee. Was he too afraid to face who he had become? He was still changing, every day. If he admitted it to himself, he was definitely scared to get back to Salt Late City. To meet his parents, his family, the bishop, his friends. To lose the closeness of the other Elders, the friendships. To lose something he never had. The kiss of his dream sneaked back into his thoughts...  
He risked getting late to breakfast just to enjoy a few more minutes with this last thought in mind. And of course he didn't feel ready to encounter Elder McKinley but he knew he had to.

“Good morning” Kevin said when he sat down at the breakfast table in the bigger hut that worked as their common room. Elder McKinley wasn't there which caused yesterday's panic to rise up in him again. In a fraction of a second he hated himself again for savouring the feelings the beautiful dream had given him. How could he, after all that happened yesterday? It felt so wrong. He caught Elder Poptarts giving him a smile and a reassuring nod.  
“Poptart?” he offered Kevin and slide his plate towards him.  
“Thank you, Elder.” He took a chocolate one that was without any doubt a peace offer. It seemed to be okay, somehow.  
After they had finished, he hold him back until the other Elders had left the kitchen. They didn't need to know about last night although he was sure that rumours in Kitgali spread faster than Arnold could name every dwarf in The Hobbit.  
“Elder Thomas, I'm so sorry about yesterday. I talked to Elder Cunningham. He, well, you know him, he told me.”  
Elder Poptarts sighed audibly. “First of all, please excuse me for what I said. I thought you'd done something really bad. I mean, even worse.”  
“It's okay, I don't mind. It was a misunderstanding. I just want you to know that I would never ever hurt Elder McKinley. Like, ever. And I want him to know as well.” Kevin wasn't sure if Elder Poptarts was amused about his sweeping hand gestures but, whatever, he really wanted to stress how serious he was about it, dang it. “Do you think it's okay if I talk to him? Or is it too early? How is he doing?”  
“He's fine. But, listen, would you mind dropping the Elder and just calling me Poptarts?”

Kevin Price found Elder McKinley under a tree next to the nearby river. Elder Thomas, no, Poptarts had described him the way to his companion's favourite spot. It was late in the morning and the heat was still bearable. The Elder sat cross-legged with his back leaning against the trunk in the shade of a tree. Except for a tie he wore his usual missionary clothes but the first three buttons of his shirt were loose.  
Kevin made sure he approached him in his field of vision, waving from afar. The first thing he noticed was how cheery Elder McKinley looked when he waved back. Quite the difference to the night before.  
“Lions ate your tie?” Kevin asked playfully.  
“Good morning to you too, Elder Price,” the other Elder replied smiling and put down the book he was reading – a copy of The Last Unicorn with worn pages that looked like it functioned more as a plushie than a book.  
“Elder McKinley,” Kevin responded properly and sat down in the grass in front of him. He was rather glad that the Elder was apparently feeling better, but he was still determined to talk about everything. “That's a nice spot.” Suddenly he was very aware that everything had changed for him during the last twelve hours. The situation, the dream, the kiss, the – what's that? - the fluttering in his heart. 

_'He likes you. You do know that, don't you?'_

His face must have given away the sudden rush of awkwardness because his district leader took the lead.  
“Listen, Elder, about yesterday,” started Elder McKinley and put a hand on Kevin's knee, “I am sorry that I confused you and that I was not able to explain myself.” The district leader was a very touchy-feely person. A tap on a shoulder, a soothing touch on a hand, a clap on the upper back. Nothing unusal. Kevin himself wasn't someone who liked to get touched by people he didn't know, liked and trusted. Arnold had became a good friend and therefore he was okay to be touched or hugged by him. Now Elder McKinley also had become that kind of person over the time – and even more. Not only he tolerated the touching, he found himself enjoying it.  
“No, please,” Kevin begged and shifted closer to him, with caution, for he didn't want to cause Elder McKinley to put away his hand or – Heavenly Father forbid – scare him again. “There's nothing you need to apologize for. I wasn't aware about-- everything. I'm afraid Arnold told me a few things...”  
“I know,” Elder McKinley responded and withdrew his hand, “he confessed me this morning.”  
“Oh.”  
That's awkward. Arnold Cunningham telling things can have severe consequences.  
“I don't want to talk about it,” said Elder McKinley quietly, “at least not now. Though I'm sure you got a picture. Is it okay if we keep it that way for now?”  
“Sure, sure!”  
“But I'm actually glad you know about it. So, we're good, right?” Kevin nodded and they smiled for a long time at each other, unsure what to say, until Elder McKinley began to nervously cradle the book in his lap. Kevin was way too overwhelmed with his new emotional spectrum to start a meaningful conversation. He was pretty sure he was having more than friendly feelings for this wonderful person in front of him. Okay. Big deal, probably. The crisis would come soon enough. But right now it didn't matter. All that mattered was Elder McKinley. With his kind blue eyes, freckles, his smile, gosh, he would accept hell dreams for the rest of his life to hear Elder McKinley's infectious cute little laugh. That one with the cute little huff.  
Focus, Kevin Price, focus.  
“Okay,” he said, “I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I leave you alone again.” He was about to get up to give Elder McKinley some space again, when his friend stopped him.  
“Wait.” Rays of sunshine cut through the branches and made him grimace in a funny way. “Stay, maybe...?” He shielded his eyes from the sun. “Do you want to join my book club?”  
“There's a book club?”  
“If you want to join, then yes, there's a book club. I just founded one. And we'll read my favourite book. What do you say?” There were a lot of things Elder Price would have liked to say but this was not the right time nor the right place for both of them.  
“I'm intrigued, but unfortunately I don't own a copy and I doubt that Amazon will--.”  
“We could read it together.” Elder McKinley hold up his own book. “Simultaneously.”  
“Well, if you don't mind?”  
“I don't mind at all. Scoot over!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See notes at the beginning of chapter 1.

### Chapter Two.

#### Salt Lake City. PRESENT TIME.

It was still dark, Arnold was still typing in the living room and Kevin was still vividly reliving basically the last half year of his life. Because hey, that's what you do when you suffer from severe sleeping problems for almost two months now: you think about basically everything. Twice. And sometimes even backwards and with funny Snapchat filter. The kiss in his dream stuck in his mind like he had dreamed it only the day before. The memory and the feeling connected with it didn't fade at all. And he didn't complain. Sometimes he even accepted it as his first kiss ever because it had felt so real that it would be a shame if it didn't count.

“Message two.” About 3 weeks ago.

“Hi Kev, it's Connor. I must have missed your call. And now you're missing mine.” There it was, his cute little laugh. “I'm alone, my room mate's out. I don't know what to cook. I feel like lasagne since you raved about the one you made last week. Actually I hoped you could talk me through.” He sighed. “The audition's tomorrow. To be honest, that's why I called. I don't even have lasagne sheets at home. I'm freaking out. I heard who else is invited and of course I had to google them. They are far more advanced in tapdance. One of them even has his own YouTube channel! I only have Instagram and it still upsets me that the feed isn't chronological anymore. What did I even think?” There was a pause where only a few breaths could be heard. “Okay, well, if it's not too late, maybe you can call me back. Gosh, no, please, please call me back, Kevin, darling, no matter when, I wait for you.”

Darling. That evening Kevin did call back, but they never talked about the fact that Connor had called him darling. But it also hadn't been the first intimate thing between them they hadn't talk about. Their friendship had grown over the past months. Not only in Uganda, but also back in the US. From the plane landing over Connor's first call to congratulate him to the new apartment to now, that night. But Kevin loved to listen to every voicemail he had saved. If he had a chance to hear every call between them again, he would do it as well. Maybe he should call the NSA and beg it to send him copies of their calls.  
Especially the one he had received the day after Connor's audition. He had called him darling again. Just casually. And he had laughed, oh gosh, Connor had laughed his happy cute little laugh that almost carried Kevin off his feet when he wasn't prepared. His friend had got his first role in an Off-Broadway show as a swing. Nothing big, but it was a job, he'd been happy and his mood had been infectious once again. That day Kevin had gone to work at Mr. Cunningham's car dealership and sold his first car on his own. He'd called Connor right away, locked in an empty storage room to hide from Mr. Cunningham, telling him all about the car selling. They'd laughed together until their bellies had ached, one laughing fit after another. Just because. Connor had a job, Kevin sold a car. Like there had never happened anything funnier on this planet.  
There had been another situation that had ended in their first laughing fit they had ever shared together, one day after they had left Kitgali. But it didn't last very long for Connor had wanted to share something with Kevin that hadn't been funny at all.

#### Kitgali, Uganda. / Entebbe, Uganda. ABOUT SIX WEEKS AGO.

It had been a rather sad goodbye with the villagers on their last day in Kitgali. The whole town had prepared a big party at the market place the night before their departure. The later it got, the less everyone could uphold a festive mood. In the end, there were only Kevin, Mafala Hatimbi, his daughter Nabulungi, Poptarts, Arnold and Elder McKinley left sitting on the large table in the middle of the place. Kevin Price glanced at the latter. He wasn’t wearing a tie and yes, it bothered Kevin. It was their last evening in Kitgali, the men were all were wearing white shirts and ties. Everyone except for Elder McKinley. Blue shirt, no tie. But it was the tie that annoyed Kevin the most. When they had arrived at the market place, it was the first thing he had noticed. No tie. Kevin tried to concentrate on his breathing. It was ridiculous. His logical mind knew perfectly fine that he overreacted. 

Three weeks ago the long expected crisis had finally knocked on his mind door. Right after Elder McKinley had informed the Elders that he had booked their flights back home. He had taken care of everything – and proved once again why he was their district leader and no one else.  
“I wrote some little cards for you with the most important information so you won't forget anything, right, Neeley, Cunningham?” Everybody had laughed and both of them had joined in. “In exactly one week, that's Friday, we'll take breakfast at 7am. The bus will leave at 9am in front of our main hut and when I say 9am, I mean 9am sharp. We'll arrive in Entebbe at aproximately 6pm, but well, you know Uganda by now. Could be later. Anyway, we'll spent the night in the, let me check my paper, hm, the Protea Hotel, it's by Marriot, so I think it'll be quite nice. I convinced them to give us a special offer.” He'd smiled at everyone around him, obviously proud to have booked a nice accomodation for their last day. “There's also a pool and continental breakfast. I couldn't get enough rooms with two twinsize beds so two of us will have to share one kingsize bed. But,” he'd added with a wink, “it's the only room with a view at Lake Victoria. We can draw straws during our bus ride. What else? Right, I thought everyone would like to share a room with his former mission companion. Except of course someone wants to swap.” It had been supposed to be a joke but he hadn't been able to resist to glance at everyone and Elder Price had been sure he'd glanced at him even twice. Or maybe he had just wished for it. He'd still been busy figuring out his feeling towards Elder McKinley. He wanted to spend all his free time with him. Hear him laugh, listen to everything he says, getting to know him more than he knows himself. And he was sure that he wanted to kiss him. And touch him, yet not accidentally, but with purpose. He hadn't thought further though. His mind always stopped right before there could be more than kissing and touching. Well, all those feeling were still very new to him, so maybe it was a good thing not to feel everything at once.  
“Elder Price?”  
Kevin had looked around like a deer caught in the flashlights. Everyone had been staring at him. Though he had been in thoughts, he'd been absolutely positive that he hadn't said a word.  
“Excuse me?”  
“I asked if you had a question,” Elder McKinley had repeated with a friendly smile on his face. “You looked like you got one.”  
“No, nope, you explained it very well.”  
“Alright, then that's about it for now.” With a clap he had finished the meeting.

From this moment on, their departure had been final. Nothing would be the same again. Soon after the accouncement Kevin had noticed that following the old rules of their missionary book was one of the few things to calm his nerves. These rules had made the last weeks bearable. They had given him some sort of guide and a purpose. Regular bedtimes, cleaning the house, he'd even become very clingy towards Arnold (who for once wasn't entierly happy about it since it had also been his last days with Nabulungi) - basically every rule that didn't involve religion, praying or preaching had suddenly become holy again.

So yes, the missing tie of Elder McKinley on the last day in Kitgali was important to him.  
Gradually the talking ebbed to a pleasant silence. The kind of pleasant silence that you felt when you enjoyed the moment so much because you knew that it would end very soon and therefore made you happy and sad at the same time.  
Even though it was late and the party was about to end shortly, Kevin finally plucked up some courage and went up to his district leader who was standing all by himself next to a table with a water pitcher. Deep in thoughts, he was busy filling a cup of water, when Elder Price leant towards him.  
“Elder McKinley, excuse me, I don’t know if you have noticed, but you’re not wearing a tie. And a white shirt, but especially not a tie.” The last words he almost whispered.  
“Wow, you're acting very formally today,” Elder McKinley put down the cup and looked at him very amused. “Oh, I noticed, alright,” he added because Kevin was still expecting an answer, ”since I dressed myself all on my own. I gave the ties away to the villagers.” Kevin frowned in disbelief.  
“All of them?”  
“Yes, all of them. Mischief managed I'm afraid. No wait, except for one, but it’s already packed.” He was still smiling but Kevin could see some strange sparkle in his eyes. “It bothers you, doesn't it?”  
“What? No, it just caught my attention, that's all.”  
“Sure,” the Elder smirked and slowly raised his hand. “Well, you could lend me one of yours.” Without breaking eye contact he carefully touched the perfectly bound black tie Kevin was wearing around his neck. Elder Price could feel the warmth of his touch on his chest through the thin tie and shirt. There had been more touching in the last weeks but never this intimate before. Sitting shoulder to shoulder while reading The Last Unicorn together, yes. Accidenatly pressing thighs or knees against each other during breakfast, sure. Things that friends did because they felt comfortable with each other. Kevin had tried not to think about anything else than pure friendship when he was around Elder McKinley. Tried and failed so far. Not that he didn't want more, no, his dreams and thoughts at night and day told him another story, but he was simply too scared to do anything about it. Not scared because the LDS forbade it. Not scared because he wasn't sure that he liked the Elder that way. Simply too scared that he might screw things up. He never had a relationship before and that wasn't something you could learn from a book.  
“Still there?”  
If there's something like being crushstruck then Kevin just hit the jackpot. Without overthinking, for once, he gently pressed his own hand on Elder McKinley's that was still touching his chest. It was so soft and warm and nicer than he had imagined. Elder Price was sure that he could feel his heartbeat through both of their hands.  
“Is that a yes?”  
“SPEECH! SPEECH!”  
Arnold's voice echoed through the market place and two startled Elders next to the water bar almost jumped away from each other. There had been a moment and the moment was gone.  
Most of the Elders and villagers assembled back at the large table. Mafala rose from his chair as soon as everyone had joined him.  
“Elders, I want to thank you again for the happiness you have shared with us. You brought us closer together. You really--” He stopped, put his hand on his chest and took a bow. “You saved my daughter, no, us all.” His voice was shaking and everyone at the table was close to tears. Nabulungi took his father’s hand.  
“It‘s okay, dada.” Kevin Price was the first to politely return the gesture and took a bow but his words kept missing.  
“Dear Elder Hatimbi, I want to thank you as well.” All eyes were on Elder McKinley now who stood up next to Elder Price. “I will only speak for myself and not in my former position as district leader of the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints. Words cannot describe what I, personally, experienced during these last months. Your kindness, your energy, your wisdom, your hospitality. I learned so much from everyone of you and it will stay with me for the rest of my life. I don't want to say much, just one piece on a personal note: Religion can be a wonderful thing to bring people together and to provide security, like here in Kitgali. But in the end it's always the people you share your life with that work miracles and truly matter.” Everyone applauded and he was visibly touched by the reception. More words were exchanged, almost everyone said something, villagers and Elders alike, and even Kevin could bring himself to say something positive and optimistic, altough he stiill disapproved their departure. But for the sake of everyone he hid it. There was a wordless agreement hovering through the air that forbade to mention a possible arrival of a new warlord.

The morning came and with it the departure of the former Elders. In the bus Kevin Price sat next to Arnold who was busy texting with Nabulungi on his cell phone. Poptarts had given her his spare iPhone which he had smuggled to Uganda in the beginning of his mission. Soon Kevin had learned that most of them had brought cell phones with them although it hadn't been allowed. So much for following the missionary rules. Of course Kevin hadn't brought one and he also hadn't seen Elder McKinley using one.  
“Will you see her again?” Kevin asked his friend who was sad about leaving Nabulungi. Over and over he looked at the photos Poptarts had taken of them with the cell phone. Kevin still wished they didn't have to leave, for that reason alone.  
“Of course I will,” Arnold answered confidently, “either I go back to Kitgali in a few months or she'll visit me at home. She said she'd like to be a journalist. Oh, by the way, I wanted to ask you something.” Arnold being reserved always caught Kevin's undivided attention. “Do you want to move in with me? Back in Salt Lake City? You don't have to. I just thought, well, what you told me about your family and that you wouldn't want to stay at home. In case they don't undestand that you're leaving Church. And we could share the rent which would be pretty neat.”  
“Arnold.” Kevin had to restrain himself from hugging his friend in the hot and cramped bus.  
“Yes, pal?”  
“I'd love to. I'd be lost without my companion. And best friend.”

After ten hours in a crowded bus, only two breaks and a lot of silence between the Elders, they finally checked into the Marriot Hotel near the airport Entebbe. After spending months in small huts, the sterile and sparkling lobby was almost a shock for them.  
“Okay, gather around, here are the key cards to your rooms,” Elder McKinley said after he had managed their check-in. “Breakfast will be served from 07:30 am to 10:30 am. Since it's out last day and we'll have a long flight ahead of us, be my guest if you like to sleep in. No rules from now on except to obey the law. If you're hungry, there are some shops nearby, but dinner is also served at the restaurant across the lobby. And yes, there's room service but please consider that it's not cheap. Oh, and there's a pool outside and a bar. I don't care about coffee or tea, but if anyone of you even looks at alcoholic beverages, you can walk home.”  
Two by two they checked their rooms. The room with the kingsize bed and the lovely view over the lake had gone to Elder McKinley and his companion Poptarts. Kevin Price wasn't jealous, not really. He had kept an eye on both of them and was positive that there wasn't anything between them except a deep friendship. But a huge part in him longed to swap places with Poptarts just for this night. To be close to Elder McKinley before their ways would part. 

It was way after bed time when Kevin decided to sneak out of the double room into the bright corridor of the hotel. Arnold was sound asleep. Even if he tried to hide it, he was more than simply sad to leave Nabulungi in Kitgali. He was also worried for her safety so the emotional exhaustion kicked him out very fast. 

Neither of them had been hungry when they had arrived at the hotel since Arnold had been provided with a goody bag filled with Ugandan food by Mafala. Needless to say he had shared it with Kevin during the bus ride.  
“I will truly miss Mafala's sweet potatoes,” Kevin had sighed, “but most of all the samosas.”  
“And the ground nut stew,” Neeley had thrown in from behind and prompted the whole bus to reminisce about various occasions where Mafala Hatimbi had took pity on their cooking skills and had shared his amazing Ugandan recipes with them.  
Arnold's silence had grown with the distance the bus had put between Kitgali and them. Kevin couldn't even imagine how hard it had to be for him. But he'd work it out somehow. Arnold always did even if he didn’t yet know how. That‘s one thing Kevin admired so much about his friend.

The empty area around the pool was dimly lit. He took a deep breath and inhaled the scent of the flowers and plants in the hotel complex. It was a beautiful and warm night. One could almost forget that this wasn’t a vacation but the tragic end of – Kevin sighed.  
‘Of my life’, he thought dramatically. Soft yellow and orange lights illuminated the water in a magical way and with another sigh Kevin sat down at the edge of the pool. Without much thought he took off his shoes and socks, pulled up his black trouser legs and felt the cold water on his calves. He wished the cold water would also cool his thoughts, his endless thoughts that won’t stop to keep him awake.

“You’re not allowed to get into the pool after 10 pm.”  
Utterly confused and disturbed in his thoughts, Kevin began hastily to get up until he felt a hand on his shoulder that gently pushed him back down. He turned his head around to see who just had spoken to him.  
“I am sorry, that was a rather stupid joke,” said Elder McKinley quietly. “I thought you might have recognized my voice.” Instead of wearing black trousers and a white shirt with a tie, he was dressed like he'd spent the last week on a beach. Knee-long shorts in the colors purple and pink and a grey t-shirt, no shoes. Though Kevin didn't approve of the outfit, he had to admit that he looked pretty sharp.

“Do you mind?” He signed at the spot next to Kevin.  
“No, not at all.” For a few moments they sat next to each other in silence. The bar on the other far side of the pool was still open and a few people were having late-night drinks.  
Kevin hated to be alone with someone if he didn’t know what to say. Which was rarely the case because he was really good at talking. But right now he was thankful that they could at least pretend to listen to the voices of the slightly drunk tourists. Minutes passed and Kevin got more and more uncomfortable. Elder McKinley made his thoughts spin even more, gravitating around him. Like a shining star, Kevin thought, like the greatest star in the universe.  
“So, we're both sleepless, I guess” said the greatest star in the universe and broke the silence.  
“I guess,” Kevin repeated and wiped away his thoughts.  
“So how do you feel?”  
Kevin looked up and shrugged. “Not the same as before I got here.“  
„Me neither. Have you made up your mind? What will you do back home?“  
Small waves went through the water as Kevin started to wiggle his feet in the pool. He took his time to answer the question.  
“I don't know, Elder,” he said meaningfully.  
He looked asquint at Elder McKinley and then back at the waves.  
“I know that you're still angry at me for aborting our mission.”  
Kevin concentrated on the waves in front of him.  
“I don't want to be, though,” he admitted weakly. “What you said was right. I don't know what my life will be like back home and that's probably why I want to stay. Here in Uganda, I knew what to do. Even though everything had changed, I always knew.”  
“I'm not so sure about that,” Elder McKinley interjected. “You're a bit capricious lately.”  
“What do you mean?” He tried to look offended but failed. Beautiful blue eyes looked straight into his own.  
“You're incredibly moody and your attempt to hide what you feel makes it only worse.”  
“What? I'm--”  
Elder McKinley chuckled. “No, it's okay. You're concerned about your future, like everybody else, in case you haven't noticed. Everyone of us had had his fair share of doubt about the Church, religion or life itself. It's easier for us to be free in Uganda than back in the US. However weird that might sound. Elder Church already said that he won't quit the LDS because he couldn't bare to get away from his family. Arnold will be in a long-distance-relationship across the globe. Poptarts said he definitely needs help to turn his back from being a Mormon.” He sighed. “You see, you're not alone. And you don't have to keep it all to yourself. Don't hide your feelings or turn them off, especially not in front of me,” he added slightly hurt.  
“Uff,” Kevin said and scratched his neck, “you're really good in putting things into perspective. Now I feel stupid. Was I really acting so weird?”  
“Ah, hush.” Elder McKinley gave him a reassuring tap on his tigh. “To be honest, it was mildly entertaining to watch you the last weeks. Especially how inconsistent you were when it came to the missionary rules. Ask Arnold. He and I are the ones who had to suffer the most.”  
“What do you mean, inconsistent?” His old pride of being an exemplary Mormon awoke – until he glimpsed at Elder McKinley who tried to hide his giggle behind his hand.  
“Stop laughing. I'm very good at following rules, don't take that away from me, that's all I got left” Kevin replied theatrically but with a way too bright smile.  
“Performance problems? Just blame the stress,” the Elder laughed, “look, one time you're running after Arnold like a puppy just to honor rule 72. The next time you sit next to Poptarts watching tv shows on his iPhone the Church definitely didn't approve. Just to mention some examples.” Kevin eyes grew wider. “Oh, and you don't seem to care that Arnold wears his Star Wars t-shirt at night but you're freaking out over my missing tie. Or that I don't wear my missionary outfit right now, admit it. I saw the look on your face when I sat down. Why does is bother you so much?“  
„Because it‘s breaking the rules.“  
Elder McKinley sighed with a smile.  
„You do realize that we have broken more than just rules. And you had been the first one, if I may remind you. We accepted a new prophet, we changed what we believed, we--“  
„I know that! But of all the rules we had to break because they were wron--“, he paused, „they couldn‘t be applied to us anymore, this one rule doesn‘t need to be broken. We are still missionaries, we are still Elders.“  
„Are we?“ Elder McKinley asked with concern. “You honestly think that?” Their eyes locked. „What about 'to heck with rules' and 'screw the Church, it's about the people'? Are we really Elders or is it what you wish for? Or simply what you pretend us to be?“  
A flash of hot and cold went through Kevin‘s body as Elder McKinley confronted him with this uncomfortable truth. His eyes quickly fixed on the waves again. Right now it was guilt Kevin could feel. Guilt and embarassement because he dragged the others into his crisis, especially once again Elder McKinley. Because in fact Kevin had no idea what he was thinking, believing or pretending anymore. He was simply reacting to his own anxiety.  
“I want to ask you something.“ Elder McKinley continued. „Maybe it will help you. What‘s the name of your room mate?“  
Kevin looked up. „What?“  
„Just answer, please.”  
„Well, Arnold.“  
„Your name?“  
„Kevin, Kevin Price?“  
„Are you unsure?“ Elder McKinley laughed quietly which caused Kevin to flush lightly.  
„It‘s Kevin Price,” he muttered.  
„And the name of my room mate?“  
„It‘s Poptarts. Why are you asking me this?“ Elder McKinley ignored his question.  
„Who was to blame for the birthday disaster?“  
„If you're refeering to Michael's birthday, then it was Neeley and Poptarts.“  
„Yes. And what‘s my name?“  
Kevin stared at him with a big questionmark on his face.  
„Are you serious?“  
„I‘m as serious as I can get with my foot hanging into a cold pool.“  
„You're Elder McKinley.“  
„Gotcha.“  
There was a silence again. This time it was Elder McKinley who stared at his feet wiggling through the cold water while Kevin waited impatiently for an explanation.  
„What did I do that you still see me as an Elder and everyone else not?“ When Kevin didn't respond because he was too busy to process this question, he explained further. “You call everyone by their nick name, first name or simply last name, but you're constantly calling me Elder McKinley. I care about you,” he said hesistantly, “and not only in my former function as district leader. As a friend. We spent a lot of time together during the last weeks and by calling me Elder McKinley you keep me in distance. Is that a respect thing? A coping thing? Or something else? I'm trying to figure it out for some time now because I believe you don't even know. What do you think about this?”  
Kevin's urge to simply run away had increased beyond a measurable number. He had no idea where this conversation was about to lead and if there was any hidden agenda in Elder McKinley's words, in a good or bad way. And most important he didn't have a proper answer.  
“Gosh, Freud, I don't know, honestly.” But suddenly he knew. He wasn't keeping his friend at distance, he was keeping him close. The relationship between a missionary and his district leader was something solid. There were even written rules about it. If he wasn't his district leader anymore, there was only friendship to connect them. And that was a scary thought for Kevin. Like walking on a frozen up lake not knowing if the ice is already thick enough to hold your weight. “Besides, you're also calling me Elder Price.”  
“I stopped calling you by name two weeks ago because I wanted to see how you'd behave. Surprise!” Elder McKinley opened his eyes and mouth to pretend astonishment and waved his hands next to his face to reveal his long planned plot. A huffing sound of surrender escaped Kevin's mouth and he rubbed his hand over his face.  
“I suddenly got this wild idea that we should talk more,” he groaned.  
“It took you long enough to realize, hu? But to be fair: you and me both.”  
Kevin pulled himself together, turned to his friend and offered him a hand.  
“Hello, my name is Kevin Price and I would like to get rid of any unnecessary distance between us.”  
“Nicely put,” the other approved, “Connor McKinley, it's a pleasure to meet you. To heck with distance.” Then he did something rather unexpected. He grabbed for Kevin's hand, jumped into the pool and dragged him along.  
“Gosh, what the--” Kevin screamed incredibly high-pitched when he suddenly found himself up until his neck in the cool water.  
“I had the urge to baptize you,” said Connor and snorted in laughter. “I'm sorry.”  
“You're such a child, gosh! They are staring at us,” Kevin hissed and nodded his head without ostentation towards the tourists at the bar. “We're fully dressed, Connor McKinley!”  
“Scandalizing, I know.”  
He grabbed for Kevin's arm again and pulled him around the small fake island in the middle of the pool out of sight from the people at the bar.  
In this area they had enough space to swim without being seen by anyone. Kevin looked down on him and his floating tie and bursted into laughter. Before Connor could react in any way, Kevin splashed water into his face which was the start of a water fight. They tried their best to keep as quiet as possible but their ongoing laughing fits could be heard all over the area around the pool. Sooner or later they calmed down and spent a long time just doing nonsense or talking about the good things they had experienced during their missionary time. Kevin already felt quite a difference in his relationship to Connor just by calling him with his first name. He wasn't sure if his friend knew or at least suspected about his feelings for him. They hadn't particulary shrank after the talk, the push into the pool and the water fight, no, quite on the contrary. The touchings, the thrills, the talks. There was a question he had yet to ask.  
“Connor?” Kevin had never asked him directly – he hadn't dared to - but he had heard it from the others. Nevertheless he wanted to hear it from Connor himself. “Speaking of talking more. Is it true you're not going back to Salt Lake City with us?”  
With a few strokes he swam closer to Kevin.  
“That's true,” he affirmed calmly, “I can't go back. I'll get off the plane in New York and stay with a friend to find my feet.”  
“Why?” Kevin spoke under his breathe. Although he had known it, it was different to hear it from Connor eye to eye. Not only his mind began to spin, but also his body reacted to the sudden realization that this would be the last night he would spent with, gosh, his crush.  
“I can't go back to my family in Fairview. We're not in touch anymore. Also it's a tiny little town, I'd probably die.”  
“You could stay with me, with us. In Salt Lake City. I can talk to Arnold,” Kevin offered in a clumsy way that made Connor smile. He got closer to Kevin and grabbed for his tie that kept floating through the water in front of him. Kevin was suddenly reminded of the last time Connor had touched his tie and tried not to move. He was so close.  
“That's cute, you're cute, Kevin,” he said half absently, half smiling, and was concentrating on playing with the tie for a few seconds until he let it go again. “But I can't. A lot of bad memories are connected to this city.” Then his face changed to a more serious expression and he looked directly at Kevin.  
“I left the LDS. Some weeks ago, I don't know exactly when, but it happened here in Uganda. There are a lot of reasons. You know, my family isn't Mormon. I was good friends with a Mormon family when I grew up in Fairview. So when I joined the Church, I already knew a thing or two. Anyway, that's another story. Funny enough that one of the main reasons I joined the church in the first place is close to the reason why I'm leaving now. Because I'm gay.”  
“You don't need to whisper, I know that.”  
“Ever heard of the Uganda Anti-Homosexuality Act? Let me do my whispering.” He leaned back against the wall of the swimming pool.  
Kevin felt that Connor was gathering some courage and kept quiet.  
“Okay,” he began, looking up in the sky and closing his eyes. “This isn't easy.”  
“You don't have to explain yourself in any way,” Kevin said softly.  
“But I want to. I want you to know this about me.”  
“Okay.”  
Then he began. “When I was 17, I met this guy, a year older than me. We became a couple. It was my first proper relationship. At first everything was great. He even met my family. It was good. After about six months I left school during my senior year and moved in with him in Salt Lake City. He had found a job there. My father wasn't happy, but I did it anyway, so he tried to be supportive at first.”  
“And you mom?”  
“She died when I was little.”  
“Oh, I'm so sorry, Connor.”  
“Yeah,” he said and pressed his lips together, ”thank you. It was a long time ago. Anyway. We lived together and it was still good for a few months. After a year it changed.” Connor made some swimming movements with his arms. The temperature of the water was by far not as warm as the air. “No more rose-colored glasses. He...I mean, I... gosh, I don't know how to say this. Wait please.” He took a few moments just to breathe and continued with a shaky voice.  
“Whenever I didn't do as he pleased, he got mad. Small things, like forgetting to buy milk. Wearing a shirt he didn't like. He got mad. Other things, too, like, I wanted to meet my friends, especially male friends. He yelled at me and forbid me to leave the apartment. Or he pressured me. Claimed I wouldn't love him if I didn't – do as he wished. That was the second year of our relationship. Textbook emotional blackmail. I was 18, I still loved him and I didn't know better. I didn't. I thought it was normal. That something was wrong with me if I didn't want to do as my partner asked me to. Especially since he was the one who earned all the money. I didn't have a job during that time.  
And then...” He shot a glance at Kevin but fixed his eyes somewhere at the water before he continued, “...and then one day he hit me for the first time. Got me a black eye. It wasn't even the worst he had done to me but it was my wake up call. A visible thing for a change. Visible for everybody. Not just on my soul, good to hide. I left the apartment, didn't know what to do or where to go. The contact to my family and friends had become very loose during this year and I was too ashamed to crawl back. So I walked through the nearby mall and sat down on an empty bench in the food court and cried. No one noticed me for a long time until two LDS missionaries turned up next to me and asked me if I was okay.” Tears ran down his cheeks and he had a hard time breathing because he was suddenly crying very hard. Like a light switch that had been flipped. Immediatly Kevin was at his side with an arm around his waist under the water.  
“Hey, Connor, it's okay, it's over,” he tried to calm him and put him in an embrace but he didn't stop crying. “Gosh, you're cold, we need to get you out of the water.”

“You haven't ask the question yet,” Connor said over and over while he was lead by Kevin through the hotel. He was not only shaking because of the cold but also out of emotional stress. Drops of water from their clothes fell down on the floor but thankfully neither the receptionist at the lobby nor the security guard at the entrance said a word.  
“There's another time for questions, Connor, you need to get warm and get some rest first.”  
“But you need to ask it, everyone asks it,” he was all in tears and visibly beside himself, like being trapped in a bad state of mind, forced to repeat the same thought over and over. When they had finally reached the elevator, Kevin softly touched Connor's cheek and looked him in the eyes.  
“Connor,” he said very calmly, “I'm not going to ask you why you didn't leave him. It wasn't your fault. He was a bad person.” They were so close that he could feel Connor's hot breath on his face. The blue of his eyes shimmered through his tears. After his words Connor got quiet and Kevin didn't know if it was good sign or not. Right now he just wanted to cry because someone had done this to the most wonderful person he'd ever met. “Come, we're almost home, I mean, at your room,” he said when the elevator dinged. In less than a minute they had arrived in front of the door.  
“Where's your key card?” Kevin asked and Connor started weakly to check his backpockets.  
“I don't know.”  
“Nevermind,” Kevin said and started knocking on the door. An unhappy grunting noise inside indicated that Poptarts had been asleep. When he opened the door, he was greeted by a soaked and terrified looking Kevin Price in his missionary outfit and a soaked, trembling and crying Connor McKinley.  
“You got to be kidding me. What happened?” Poptars asked alarmed and made way to let them in.  
“It's not his fault,” Connor said with a hint of panic, “don't make him leave.”  
“Shhh, I'm here,” Kevin hushed and lead him to the bed. “Do you have some towels, Poptarts?”  
“Sure,” he said and disappeared in the bathroom.  
“How do you feel, Connor? I know it's a stupid question. Just talk to me, please.” Connor rubbed the tears from his cheeks.  
“A bit messy,” he answered, wrinkled his nose and smiled weakly. Poptarts appeared next to them with two towels. “We went swimming,” Connor explained. “I pushed him in, you should have seen his face. And that scream! I will dream of that scream.” He talked very slowly and drowsy, but the fact that he got almost chatty again, calmed both Kevin and Poptarts. “Well, and I had a little meltdown again and lost my key card,” he added and dried his face with a towel Poptarts gave him. “I apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.”  
“Don't say that.” Kevin sat down next to him and put his arm around his back. “Thank you for telling me. We're just worried about you, that's all.”  
“We're always there for you, Con.” Poptarts said, kneeled before him and took his hand. “Cup of tea, honey?”  
“That would be nice.” Kevin tried not to look irritated but he was quite a bit confused that Poptarts had called Connor honey. Had he miss something? Meanwhile Connor had put his head against Kevin's shoulder while Poptarts used the electric water kettle on the table close to the window.  
“Are you mad at me?”  
It broke Kevin's heart to hear Connor asking this question. In a heartbeat he took his hand and stroke it gently.  
“I'm not mad at you. Well, maybe a tiny bit because you pulled me into the pool.” He could hear and feel Connor giggling wearily as he turned his face towards Kevin's. In this moment, Kevin was absolutely certain that this cute little laugh was the best thing he had ever heard on this planet.  
“Your scream,” he only whispered because their faces were so close. “Hilarious, Kevin Price, hilarious.”  
“Stop telling people about my scream, Connor McKinley,” he said smiling and touched the other one's nose, “I have a reputation to uphold.”  
“Alright, compromise, I won't tell people about your future screams.”  
“That--” Kevin stopped himself. He almost made a reaction to something he interpreted as an innuendo and that was more than simply inappropriate in this situation.  
“What?”  
“I'm going to bed now,” said Kevin, “you need to get some rest.”  
“Connor, I'm afraid they don't have honey in the minibar,” Poptarts said when he put down a cup of hot tea on the bed stand. Kevin exhaled louder than intended.  
“What a pity. But thank you. I bring you to the door,” he said to Kevin.  
“No, it's fine, you stay.”  
“Kevin, I can walk, thank you very much,” he insisted and lead him to the door.  
“Good night,” Kevin said to Poptarts and left the room, Connor followed right behind him into the hallway, leaving the door slightly open.  
“So,” Connor said and grimaced, “thank you for bearing with me.”  
“Please don't make yourself smaller than you are.” After the intensity of the night it suddenly went back to being awkward again. The rush of adreanlin was gone and they were both exhausted. What a strange thing, so Kevin thought, that being awkward and being absolutely comfortable with each other was so close together. Now they were just standing in front of each other, unsure what to say.  
“Well, good night then,” Kevin finally said, “sleep well. You need it.”  
“You too,” Connor replied and smirked. With a wave and a smile Kevin left the hallway towards the elevator and felt rather stupid for waving but heck, so he waved, waving is fine, people do wave, it's a thing.  
Arnold didn't wake up when Kevin returned to their room and found his way to bed. What a night, he thought when he turned around to stare at the ceiling. He still had a lot of questions about Connor's past. Somehow he had managed to leave this bastard with the help of the Church, had become a Mormon, had got baptized and had got enough money to go on a mission – within only a year. And also he had become district leader. All on his own, without help from his family. Connor was right, this had to be a chapter on its own. Kevin was deeply impressed although it made him incredibly sad at the same time what he had gone through. He was surprised when he noticed the tears streaming down his cheeks. The last day, the unknown future, Connor being hurt, leaving Connor, his family that will probably turn their back on him, so many things in his mind. Despite all those thoughts, he fell asleep very quickly thanks to sheer emotional exhaustion like Arnold in the bed next to him.


	3. Chapter 3

### Chapter 3.

#### Salt Lake City. PRESENT TIME.

It was quiet in the living room. A glance at the Star Wars clock told him it was 1.30 am. In the darkness Kevin got up and groped around for his water bottle beside his bed. He was glad that he got the next three days off. Nevertheless the alarm clock was about to ring in less than eight hours. Getting some sleep would be of advantage considering that a long and propably exciting day would lie ahead of him. After taking a sip of water, he put the bottle back and stroked over his cell phone. Just one more.

“Message three.” One week ago.

“Two things. Number one: Did you know there's a sequel to Pitch Perfect? The movie we watched on the plane? With the guy that looked like Arnold? If you knew: Why didn't you tell me? If you didn't know: Now you know! We need to watch the sequel together! Please! Number two. Oh, wait.” There was another voice in the background and although Connor was covering the phone's mouthpiece, Kevin could here a muffled voice.  
“Yo, Connor, I brought some-- sorry, is this your boyfriend?”  
“Shut up!”  
“Ahh, you wish he was! Say hi from me, haha! Alright, stop throwing things at me, I'm carrying food.”  
Kevin had heared this voicemail various times but his heart always started to flutter at the word 'boyfriend' and he couldn't stop smiling. Also his mental cinema started to spin this situation further and he got lost in ideas what might have happened after Connor had hung up.  
“Sorry, that was my room mate. He's a fool. Anyway, where was I? Number one, Pitch Perfect, number two? Right! I did it, Kev. I did it. I finally spoke to my father again. It was weird, a bit awkward but in the end it was great. We still have a lot of catching up to do. I'll tell you all about it later. Long story short: That's why I'm bound for Salt Lake City next week. Surprise! I planned to stay in Fairview from Tuesday to Thursday. I don't want to hang around too long, just a short visit for a start. My sisters will be there and I'll meet my father's new girlfriend. Well, my flight back home is on Sunday and I was wondering if you want to meet up, maybe? If you're not working, of course. I don't want to distract you. Give me a call ASAP!”

Oh, Kevin had called ASAP. At least as soon as he had been able to get his pulse back to a normal frequence and had spoken to Arnold. It was a perfect timing because Arnold had just learned that Nabulungi was about to visit him in a few weeks. She had got an internship at a newspaper in Salt Lake City that was associated with the publishing house Arnold worked for. So when Arnold got home to share this fantastic news with Kevin, Kevin himself told him about Connor's visit and both their reactions were almost the same. Happy, excited, way over the top.  
“He can stay here,” Arnold offered, “I can stay with my family for a few days, that's fine. Or he can sleep on the couch.” He had winked at Kevin. “Or in your bed.”  
Of course Arnold knew about Kevin's crush on Connor and he was rooting for them. Kevin had never actually said it but one day Arnold had simply asked if he was in love with Connor and they had a quite good talk about it.  
“He won't sleep in my bed, Arnold, seriously, we're not actually dating.”  
“Yet! There are days when you talk more to Connor than to me and I'm your room mate. Even Dad asked me last week when he'll meet him since you seem to mention him at work quite often.”  
“Your Dad wants to meet Connor?”  
“Well, of course. To check if he's good enough for you. I'm sorry, really. Mom's pretty cool, but my Dad's a bit old-fashioned. That's why Naba is so terrified to meet him. Oh, maybe you could talk to her some day and assure her that he's a nice guy?”  
“Will do,” Kevin said, “I really like him a lot...”  
“You look a bit pale, buddy-bud, you okay?”  
“To be honest,” Kevin croaked with a lump in his throat, “I'm a bit touched that he wants to check if Connor's good enough for me.”  
Arnold smiled at him like it was the most natural thing in the world.  
“Of course. He cares about you. You're family.”

#### New York, JFK airport. SIX WEEKS AGO.

After a long flight from Entebbe, Uganda, with a short stop in Doha, Qatar, the former missionaries finally arrived back in the United States. The flight had been straining, but in contrast to the bus ride through Uganda, the mood had been way better. Most of all because Mafala himself had called them shortly before the boarding to inform them that there won't be a warlord coming to their village any time soon. Rumours said that he had got arrested by the police and military who had received some hints about his business in northern Uganda. Kitgali and the surrounding villages were safe. Everyone was certain that it had been Connor's doing.  
“You're my hero, you don't even need a cape. And you should totally get your own comic,” Davis had said and had bought him a fancy non alcoholic cocktail with a little umbrella during their short stay at Hamad International Airport in Doha.  
So they had enjoyed their flights and last hours together and had switched seats quite often so that everyone had the chance to talk to each other one last time. Everyone except Elder Church wore casual clothes since he was the only one who was completely sure to stay a Mormon at this time, but no one judged him. Neither did he. Their adventures had been way too big for anything else than building a strong sense of community and friendships that won't ever be forgotten even though their ways were about to part. Their plane from Qatar had been delayed so they had to hurry to get their connecting flight to Utah.  
Everyone except Connor McKinley, but he followed them to their departure gate for a last goodbye. His luggage would wait for him at the baggage conveyor belt.  
The boarding of their flight to Salt Lake City had already began when they arrived at the gate. Nevertheless they took their time to form a circle around Connor to say farewell. It was ten times worse than their goodbye in Uganda. Their former district leader had become a good friend to everyone. He'd always been there for them, from anxiety to homesickness, from surprise birthday parties to solving arguments. Even Neeley, who had gotten in a lot of quarrels with Connor during their time in Uganda, didn't want to let go of him. No matter what had happened between all of them, no one else – ever – would understand what they had gone through. And it would probably be the last time the former Elders of the former District Nine would be together like this.  
Poptarts had his presence of mind to ask a random stranger to take a group picture of all of them before the tears started flowing even more.  
“You'll take care, Elder Church, alright?” Elder Church didn't get out a single word but silently nodded and held Connor in a thight embrace. “If the LDS still needs an explanation for what happened, tell them to call me. I'll think of something. Don't let them pressure you.”  
“I'm going to visit you, Connor, I've never been to New York before,” said Davis, “and one day you'll blow them all away on Broadway.” Everyone broke into a loud cheer which was cut down by a “HEY, SHHT” by a by-walking airport security guy.  
“Ooops, sorry,” apologized Davis still laughing.  
“You won't forget us, will you?” asked Neeley and found himself in another hug by a sobbing Connor.  
“Never! Especially not you.”  
The gate emptied out and soon it was their time to board the plane as well. Everyone hugged Connor one last time, said some last words, showed their boarding ticket to the ground crew and disappeared in the corridor to the plane.  
“You will come to New York if it doesn't work out, you hear me? We'll figure it out,” he told Poptarts who couldn't hold back his tears. “And call me as soon as you're home.” Both of them were a crying mess and didn't care about people staring at them. Poptarts was the last one of their group to board the plane except for Kevin.  
They were alone now. Only a few people were left at the gate so there was barely any time before the final call.  
“So,” Connor said, still crying, but also smiling, “this is it, then.”  
“Yeah,” Kevin nodded and whiped away some tears, “I guess.”  
“I'm still not used to see you in t-shirts and jeans.”  
“Me neither. It still feels kinda weird.”  
They looked at each other and Kevin didn't know where to put his hands. Straight to his body, behind his back, scratching his arm.  
“We're really good at being awkward sometimes,” Connor stated the obvious and the situation got less tense.  
“Oh gosh, I know,” Kevin said relieved, “this is so stressful.”

**“FINAL CALL FOR FLIGHT DELTA AIRLINES 495, please proceed to gate B26.”**

Kevin stepped towards Connor and put his hands on his forearms. His heart was racing, he wasn't crying anymore, he wanted to make every second count. It's ridiculous that it needed moments like this to realize that one hasn't said enough. That there was literally not even a minute left.  
“See you, Kevin Price,” Connor said with a little hiccup in his voice and hugged him. They held each other in an embrace for a few seconds until the announcement was repeated.

**“FINAL CALL FOR FLIGHT DELTA AIRLINES 495, please proceed to gate B26, THIS IS THE FINAL CALL.”**

Slowly they moved apart but not much. Just far enough to look in each other's face. Their fingers interlaced.  
“Call me, okay?”  
“I will,” Kevin said, “I miss you.” He didn't mean to say it but somehow a wall inside him had broken down and the feelings he had kept on the other side came out to light. “I miss you so much,” he repeated and Connor's blue eyes widened, “gosh, I miss you already and you're not even gone.” He felt like he was praying. Not to God, not to an angel, but to Connor McKinley. Praying to make him stay, praying that this moment would last forever and a day, praying that he would find the courage to tell Connor everything he wanted to say for weeks or even months, praying that he would never have to let his hands go.  
“I miss you, too,” Connor whispered. He put his hands around Kevin's neck and pulled his head towards him until their foreheads touched. “I can't go back to Salt Lake City, not now. But we'll meet again. I promise.” Kevin put his hands on Connor's hips.  
“And if I stay?”  
“Kevin, don't go head over heels.”  
“Connor, I am already head over--”

**“FINAL CALL FOR MISTER KEVIN PRICE, FINAL CALL, PLEASE PROCEED--”**

Before Kevin or the voice over the loudspeaker could finish their sentences, Connor had closed the gap between his and Kevin's lips. It took a second for Kevin to realize what was happening but then he returned the kiss. An armada of butterflies took commando over his stomach. It wasn't a short kiss. It wasn't sloppy. Just two pairs of lips softly and affectionately touching each other. It was perfect because their kiss left room for more. Room for all the things they hadn't said yet, room to grow, to become something bigger.  
“Give me some time,” Connor hushed after their lips had parted, “and meanwhile call me.”  
He let his hands slide from Kevin's neck.  
“I will. Bye, Connor.” His cheeks were still tingling when he let go of Connor's hips.  
“Bye, Kevin.”

“Here, I'm Kevin Price, sorry,” he said when he showed his boarding ticket to the ground crew at gate B26.  
“That was close, Mr. Price,” the woman said with raised eyebrows, scanned his ticket and waved him through. Before he entered the corridor to the plane, he glanced a last shot at Connor who smiled at him from the distance and made a 'call me' sign with his hand.


	4. Chapter 4

### Chapter 4.

#### Salt Lake City. PRESENT TIME.

Kevin woke up due to the ringing of his alarm clock which played the majestically Star Wars theme. His cell phone had almost slipped under his pillow so he presumed he had fallen asleep while listening to Connor's voicemails once again.  
Speaking of Connor, it was definitely time to panic properly. Well, positive panic mostly. There was enough time for him to shower and get dressed. He chose a light blue shirt and the best pair of dark shorts he owned. According to the weather forecast the temperature was expected to go up to over 94 degrees. He even had a bite to eat and a cup of coffee with some sugar. He wasn't a big coffee drinker, especially not on days when he wanted to walk the line of being a Mormon, but this day he made an exception. Next to the coffee machine he found a note from Arnold that said “Remember what you told me. You're awesome!” with a winking smiley. With a laugh he put it on the fridge next to the former District Nine group picture they had taken at the airport in New York.  
Nervously he checked the clock. Connor would be arriving any minute now.  
Hovering in front of the door, he reread the last text messages in his inbox.

_“On my way!!!! xo”_

_“Hi Kevin, just wanted to wish you two a great long weekend. See you on Tuesday. P'tarts”_

_“The bus is late, hasa diga bus! will arrive in 20 m”_

_“Has the eagle landed? Give him a hug and a kiss from me. ON THE MOUTH. -A”_

_“One stop left! Can we skip the awkwardness this time?”_

Through the window in the hallway he could see the bus passing by. The bus stop was around the corner so he couldn't actually see Connor getting out. He spent the last minutes by cleaning up his coffee cup and humming some random melody to fight his anxiety.  
Electricity rushed through his body when the door bell finally rang. His heartbeat was in uproar as he tried to walk in a normal speed to the door. Please, don't let it be awkward again.  
With sweaty hands he opened the front door.  
“Hey Kevin.” Connor grinned like a Cheshire cat. His hair was a tiny bit longer and slightly messed up from a cap he had removed from his head seconds ago. He was wearing a white shirt with a colorful pattern and a simple pair of jeans, in one hand holding a black bag.  
“Hi Connor,” Kevin responded with a bright smile. There he was, finally. And boy, did he look good. What had he missed this smile. With a wave he bid him inside. “Come in. It's searing hot today. Do you want something to drink? Tea? Or maybe something cold?”  
“Wait a second,” Connor stopped him on the way to the kitchen after he had closed the front door. Kevin turned around. “Did you get my text?” Connor said with a smirk.  
“Well, yes,” Kevin replied and bit his lip, “I'm just not good in being...not awkward.”  
“Let's try.” He went up to Kevin, smiled and seconds later they were hugging. It endured several seconds too long to be a simple welcoming hug and when they parted, their hands found together. There was nothing Kevin wished more than to get the moment back they had shared at the airport. A kiss like that. But he didn't want to rush into anything. Connor had asked him to give him some time, so that's what he had done. He would give him any time in the world. And also Kevin had needed some time himself. For a few seconds they just looked at each other. Connor's blue eyes and freckles, the slightly reddish hair. It took quite some effort for Kevin to avoid glancing at Connor's lips too often.  
“So, are you thirsty?”  
“Kevin?”  
“Yes?”  
“Since I didn't ask the last time – which I'm sorry for - I'm asking you know. May I kiss you?”  
There was a moment of silence and anticipation that lasted about three seconds. Instead of a spoken answer, Kevin nodded and leaned forward to kiss a flustered Connor. Although it had been six weeks after their last meeting and first unplanned kiss, it felt like their relationship had changed again. They had finally known that there'd been more between them in Uganda than a friendship and had began to share a life in the United States, even though only through calls and text messages. But all of this made their kiss more intense than the one at the airport. And more secure.  
“Do you know this was our third kiss?” Kevin said.  
“Third?” Connor asked confused.  
“Back in Kitgali, I had a dream where we kissed and it felt so real that I need this kiss to count. It was the first time I ever dreamed of kissing someone and it was you.”  
Connor blushed slightly and dropped his gaze.  
“Kevin, if we count dreams...” Kevin got the hint and blushed not so slightly.  
“Oh. Then maybe we should just count what we both remember.”  
They spent some minutes in the hallway kissing and softly touching each other until it reached a new level of passion between them.  
“Okay, I need something to drink, this is--” Kevin said at one point and leaned back against the wall behind him, still holding Connor's hands in his. He looked flushed and a bit embarassed when he caught Connor's eyes.  
“-- too fast?” he asked. Kevin made a self-conscious grimace that changed to a smile.  
“I just feel a bit overwhelmed right now.”  
“Just tell me whenever we're moving too fast or if you're not comfortable with something, okay?” Connor asked seriously. “You don't have to make something up. We got all the time in the world.”  
Kevin nodded and with a swift move he pulled Connor towards him to give him another kiss.  
“Same goes for you.” They spent a few seconds with their heads leaning against each other to give this moment the meaning it deserved. Then Kevin dragged Connor into the kitchen.  
“Before I show you around, I have a present for you. Close your eyes.”  
He took something from a nearby closet and held it in front of Connor's face.  
“It isn't gift-wrapped, sorry. Open up!”  
Connor did and bursted into the cute little laughter Kevin loved so much.  
“Oh my gosh,” he squeaked and took the DVD into his hands. “Pitch Perfect 2, this is literally perfect. Thank you! Now we can watch it together!”  
“Yes,” Kevin agreed and drowned in happiness, “with Arnold though, if you don't mind. I had to promise him.”  
“Of course. Ah, I'm so ridiculously happy.” He put down the DVD and took hold of Kevin's hands again. Somehow it had become their first couplish thing they really liked to do. Holding each other's hands. Not just to be close to each other, but also as an opportunity and promise to equally control the distance between them.  
“Kevin,” Connor said and pulled Kevin closer, “this feels good. I'm glad we took the long way to get here.”  
“Me too,” his boyfriend replied and gave him another kiss – a kiss from many yet to come.

\- THE END -   
_(for now)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awesome, wow. Did you really read this?  
> There were a lot of things that I wanted to add or background stories I wanted to explore further but that would have been too much. Maybe I'll write a sequel but I'm not sure yet.  
> And I totally quoted a line from a BoM Periscope video and I'm still laughing about it because I don't know if anyone even noticed.  
> Anyway, I hope you liked it :)


End file.
